Bunker Mulligan "Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." ~Mark Twain

In the last few days I’ve been involved or an interested spectator in several contentious discussions on line and in person. I use the word “discussion” because I believe it is the only way any of us learn from someone else.

One I will use as an example is a comment someone made on my site, and I followed their link to see what they had to say. It turns out the site is dedicated to slamming America in general, and Bush in particular. I left an additional comment there, and offered to discuss differing points of view.

Debate is a word often used as a synonym for discussion. The two are very different. Debate is a formal competition where two parties are absolutely convinced of their stance on a particular issue, and view it as their mission to enlighten the non-believers. I am guilty of this, myself. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t bother to maintain this blog.

Discussion is a meeting of minds to share information, often contradictory, in hopes that both parties will walk away with more knowledge than they arrived with. “Conversion” isn’t a necessity, but understanding is. And I don’t mean that with a condescending smirk. Both parties must enter a discussion with the intent to learn, and not merely offer competing ideas.

Anyway, my attempt at the other site garnered only questions posed as fact, bald statistics, and changes of subject. No answers of value, nor answerable questions were offered. I gave up. It was obvious the other party was not interested in hearing anything which might contradict opinions already formed. I have my opinions as well, and believe them just as strongly, but also realize I’m not omniprecient. Often, I’m quite stupid.

Perhaps that’s why I don’t like debate–it might highlight to the world just how stupid I am!

But the issue highlights how we often read and write things. A thought in my mind might take a completely different form in print. And what I read is filtered through what I know and believe. When questioned, I often go back and re-read what someone else wrote, or what I wrote that someone questioned. Believe it or not, in almost every instance I was correct in my initial assessment. Maybe I’m not all that stupid after all. But because I write and don’t edit (except to try and not embarrass myself with bad spelling) I am constantly on watch regarding other people’s reading of what I write. If they think I said something other than what I intended, I give them the benefit of the doubt initially. If it continues, as in my example, I simply stop. It’s going nowhere.

So, If I write “Thank you for playing” after one of your comments, you know that I’ve given up trying to learn anything from the discussion.

So far, I’ve only done that twice.

UPDATE: Thrice.