I’m a bit of a coffee fiend. I prefer coffee or milk as my beverage over anything else.
Today I stopped in at the local book store to pick up a final gift or two, and wanted a cup of coffee. You remember those, don’t you? A cup of coffee.
I’ve had coffee around the world, from the tepid “almost” kind in England to the syrupy Central American version–without milk or cream. But all I want is the flavor of coffee. I don’t ruin my coffee with cream or sugar. So I certainly don’t want any other contaminants in it.
“Give me a Grande (I hate saying “Grande”) of coffee.”
“Do you want a Venti for only ten cents more?”
“No. Just a Grande. Of coffee.”
Okay, venti is French for twenty–a twenty-ounce cup. Why not just call them small, medium, and large? Why do we need to interject “Continental Flavor” to the naming conventions? It reminds me of how everything in England had “continental” undertones when the vendor wanted to sound exotic.
“Which kind do you want? We have this, and this, and this, and this.” I didn’t catch all the names. Too exotic for a simple coffee drinker.
“I just want coffee, no flavors but coffee. You have too many choices, and I simply want a cup of coffee.”
The girl behind the counter was obviously flustered, and fixed me a cup without my making a choice. It was apparent that I had upset the entire equilibrium of her universe because I wanted something with a mere two syllables, and no exotic modifiers. “Would you like room for some cream?”
“No. Just coffee.”
I had similar issues in one office I worked in. I took a coffee pot in and told everyone they were welcome to partake. I had one rule–When I went to pour myself some coffee, there had better be enough in the pot to fill my cup. Some offered to help pay for the coffee, but I declined–and reiterated my rule. Someone asked about cream and sugar, and I told them they would have to bring their own. One guy brought in fancy flavored creamers. Girly coffee.
I really have no issue with people who want a walnut derivative, cinnamon sprinkled, whipped cream covered, saccharine-laced substitution for coffee.
I just hate that we’ve turned into a nation where plain old everyday coffee is the exception to the rule.
**** UPDATE ****
Okay, now I find we have a new Homespun Blogger: Coffee Spills. Coincidence or conspiracy?
I fought the good fight for years, but finally surrendered to the evil empire of Starbucks. If only I had invested in their stock in 1992 (“Bah”, I said, “nobody will pay five bucks for coffee!”). Adjusted for splits, every $1,000 invested then would be worth almost $60,000 today. And I wonder why I’m not rich.
Comment by Cerberus — December 19, 2004 @ 3:42 pm
Your age is showing…and because I agree with you, so is mine! [sigh]
Comment by DagneyT — December 19, 2004 @ 3:53 pm
Only “flavor” I like in my coffee is chocolate “Coffeemate” on Sunday mornings only. The rest of the time, I take it black with a couple of ice cubes (to keep it from scalding my throat) and nothing else. Kind of how I like my Scots whiskey. Starbucks is a bloody joke you can’t get Turkish, or Egyptian coffees there, now those are some serious coffees.
Comment by Bubba Bo Bob Brain — December 19, 2004 @ 4:07 pm
I’ve not had either, unless the stuff in Jordan was their version.
Comment by Bunker — December 19, 2004 @ 4:14 pm
I’m an oddity. Like that’s news, but I mean an oddity in a specific sense: I just plain can’t stand the taste of coffee. If coffee tasted like it smells, my heart would already have exploded from caffeine overdose. I love the smell of brewing coffee. But the bitter part of the taste is just beyond my tolerance. Gack! No matter how much cream and sugar I put in, it would always taste utterly vile.
But that was before Starbucks. They put enough cream and sugar and flavors and crushed ice and whatnot in that I can actually enjoy it. It tastes nothing at all like coffee smells, but it also tastes nothing at all like coffee tastes.
Yep, that’s the answer: Starbucks, for people who don’t want to taste their coffee!
Comment by UML Guy — December 19, 2004 @ 5:50 pm
I hadn’t even considered that their market was people who don’t like coffee! Man, that’s salesmanship!
Comment by Bunker — December 19, 2004 @ 7:24 pm
In my office, if you bring in anything other than the top of the line whole bean coffee(I spend $10 on 1lb), you get called a sissy(infantry world).
Comment by Birdie — December 19, 2004 @ 8:14 pm
Wow! And I just sent several pounds of Starbucks ground to Sodier’s Angel….hope they can bear with it ;-). Sorry, I get it at a discount, since I manage one of those bookstores! LOL!
I must admit, though, we would dearly love to be able to say ‘small, medium or large’….against Starbuck’s rules. Weird thought – where on earth did they get that name? It always makes me think of Battlestar G….
Comment by Siobhan — December 19, 2004 @ 8:47 pm
Oops, again -should have spell checked – SOLDIER’s Angel. Fun site to send some national love to our guys overseas….
Comment by Siobhan — December 19, 2004 @ 8:48 pm
I like going to Agua Java, or drink coffee at my mom’s house. I’m not a fan of corporate coffee like Starbuck’s. I’ve noticed some friends there while passing by, and I know they’re not coffee drinkers. Starbuck’s is just a meeting place to socialize, and for people to feel cultured because they “meet at the coffee shop.” On a trip to Hawaii a couple years back, I had the pleasure of going to a coffee shop which sits in a plantation in Kona. Kona coffee is great! I like my coffee bold, and rich – half & half only, no sweetener.
Comment by Curtis Rock — December 20, 2004 @ 12:23 am
Birdie, I have to wonder now about the Infantry. Back in the “Olden Days”, guys boiled socks just to simulate coffee!
Nothing against Starbucks’ coffee, or that of any of the other chains… I just want to be able to step up to the counter and say, “Give me a large coffee,” and have the server handle the request without sneering.
Comment by Bunker — December 20, 2004 @ 7:35 am
Why do you expect anything different? You’ve been going there for years. You know what the menu means and I know how much you like being the curmudgeon. So don’t buy coffee there and leave the poor kids alone.
Comment by Mrs. Bunker — December 20, 2004 @ 12:39 pm
I’ve been trying to get the Super Hyper Holy Crusading Jihadi Vengence Coffee War started for a while.
Comment by Phelps — December 20, 2004 @ 12:59 pm
You know, you can’t go wrong with a canteen cup filled with coffee from an MRE.
Comment by Birdie — December 20, 2004 @ 5:12 pm
[…] e Dave is on hiatus, all we get are reprints. In this case, it is a good one, and echos my own thoughts: It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to […]
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