I’m a bit of a coffee fiend. I prefer coffee or milk as my beverage over anything else.
Today I stopped in at the local book store to pick up a final gift or two, and wanted a cup of coffee. You remember those, don’t you? A cup of coffee.
I’ve had coffee around the world, from the tepid “almost” kind in England to the syrupy Central American version–without milk or cream. But all I want is the flavor of coffee. I don’t ruin my coffee with cream or sugar. So I certainly don’t want any other contaminants in it.
“Give me a Grande (I hate saying “Grande”) of coffee.”
“Do you want a Venti for only ten cents more?”
“No. Just a Grande. Of coffee.”
Okay, venti is French for twenty–a twenty-ounce cup. Why not just call them small, medium, and large? Why do we need to interject “Continental Flavor” to the naming conventions? It reminds me of how everything in England had “continental” undertones when the vendor wanted to sound exotic.
“Which kind do you want? We have this, and this, and this, and this.” I didn’t catch all the names. Too exotic for a simple coffee drinker.
“I just want coffee, no flavors but coffee. You have too many choices, and I simply want a cup of coffee.”
The girl behind the counter was obviously flustered, and fixed me a cup without my making a choice. It was apparent that I had upset the entire equilibrium of her universe because I wanted something with a mere two syllables, and no exotic modifiers. “Would you like room for some cream?”
“No. Just coffee.”
I had similar issues in one office I worked in. I took a coffee pot in and told everyone they were welcome to partake. I had one rule–When I went to pour myself some coffee, there had better be enough in the pot to fill my cup. Some offered to help pay for the coffee, but I declined–and reiterated my rule. Someone asked about cream and sugar, and I told them they would have to bring their own. One guy brought in fancy flavored creamers. Girly coffee.
I really have no issue with people who want a walnut derivative, cinnamon sprinkled, whipped cream covered, saccharine-laced substitution for coffee.
I just hate that we’ve turned into a nation where plain old everyday coffee is the exception to the rule.
**** UPDATE ****
Okay, now I find we have a new Homespun Blogger: Coffee Spills. Coincidence or conspiracy?